For most of us there are three main things we are typically short on. Time, money and patience. Speaking for myself it seems as if I never have enough of either of those things. Between working multiple jobs and dealing with three children and all of their extracurricular activities as well their schoolwork and home life I often feel stretched very thin. Feeling like this often times makes it so that I can be forgetful about certain things or I just simply put things on the back burner. Things such as my health, eating habits, free time and often times this list includes my marriage. Often times, we take for granted that in order to maintain a good marriage that you have to work at a good marriage. Yes, you and your spouse love each other and you are partners and they understand that you have a lot going on but, if there is no effort there can be no growth! This is exactly why we have to be INTENTONAL in our marriages. We can no longer sit idly by just living life assuming that everything is good. We can no longer leave it to chance that we will have a date night or that we will experience intimacy and oneness. From this day forward we have to make the commitment to step up and take charge of this area of our lives.
When our children are in school about midway through the quarter they bring a letter home known as a progress report. This report shows you where your child/children stands when it comes to their academics. When this letter comes home I am never shocked at what I see. I can always just about know what kind of grades they will have simply based off the fact that I have been seeing the kind of grades they have been getting week to week. If you were to get a progress report for your marriage right now what grade would be it? Would you be surprised by the marks given to you by your spouse? When I notice that my children’s grades are slipping I often meet their teachers to find out what is going on and what we need to do to bring about a change. When is the last time you and your spouse discussed the state of your marriage? Can you have an honest discussion without getting defensive and start to make the necessary change that will take your union to new levels. Marriage is not successful on accident. None of us just stumble into happiness. It takes work and a willingness to be INTENTIONAL in what we do. So the question that some of you may be asking is how do we do this? The first step is to make your marriage a priority. I understand that you have kids but your spouse is #1 (after God of course!). This doesn’t mean that we neglect our kids; but what it does mean is that we have our priorities together. Not to mention when the husband and wife bond is strong, it makes you better parents. It also gives your children security. Secondly you have to plan. When you feel like your time is precious then make time for the things that matter. Let me be clear YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS! When you are INTENTIONAL in what you do you realize that your time must go to your marriage. This can mean turning down overtime and it might even mean canceling or rescheduling things in order to spend some time focusing on your marriage. Plan as much as you can. Plan the date night, plan intimacy, put as much as you can on the calendar. Some of you may say that this takes the fun and spontaneity out of your relationship. Think about the vacations you have planned, think about the parties that were planned. Knowing in advance that these things are happening didn’t make them boring, on the contrary your excitement peaked. You knew that you’d have something to look forward too. How great is it to know that at a certain time and place something good is going to happen with you and your spouse? For my wife and I am INTENTIONAL with planning us a yearly vacation for seven days with NO children out of the country. This allows us time to reconnect with each other without having our everyday responsibilities pulling at us. I want to challenge you and your spouse to make the effort to be INTENTIONAL with spending time with one another over the next couple of weeks. Plan a date night, even if it has to be at home once the children are put to bed. Tell him/her to pack a bag and plan a quick getaway and put away the cells phones & tablets Facebook will still be here when you all come back. These are just a few ideas of how you can be INTENTIONAL with finding time to connect as husband and wife, pretty soon this will become a habit and you will no longer need to plan it will just come naturally. CDM
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